today seemed like it lasted forever. especially my walk home.
ive got blisters on my toes and im tired. and sleepy.

ive got to stop thinking bad things.
ive got to stop being so stubborn.
ive got to stop acting like i dont care.
ive got to stop making things worse.
ive got to learn how to trust.

Do you think Intelligent Design should be taught in public schools?
No, because as soon as the pseudoscience of intelligent design is
introduced, other sciences that have no factual bases like Astrology
and Alchemy will be taught in school too. Eventually schools will
no longer teach subjects based on facts, instead they will teach crazy
faith-based theories that state that god created the universe. Besides,
there is no room in school for god, just like there is no room in any
religion for facts or reason.    -Israel Muñoz.

i thought that response was funny.

youre right. i don't believe..
i don't believe i've stopped wanting you.
youre right. im guilty.
im guilty for loving you.

it's sad that some people are different online than in person.
they have to rely onsome computer screen to seperate them from the
people they talk to           . or talk to in a more open way.

igot a digital camera. and im getting a new distortion pedal.
because my little brother microwaved the other one.
let's see. what's new....    
nothing is new.

im going for a walk.
 

 w e  shou ld be   wis er than  o ur fat h ers.
we   sho uld b e lea r ni ng  from our histo ry.
so   h ave we qu e  tio  n ed  o   ur   first  res  pon se.
a    nd  have we  w ip ed   all of the stains of f of our  hea rts.

ok now im going for a walk.

for some reason i cant stand watching any my chemical romance videos.
its saturday. one in the morning. and theres nothing to do ...but im watching videos.
i saw one of death cab for cutie. i liked it a lot.
well the whole meaning of the video.

..yea.
i figure im a jealous person.
i dont like it.
but what can i do.

yea yea you talk about how youre so different.
how your life is all bullshit and its going in circles.
circles that apparently wont stop ripping off everything youre working so hard to get.
and no i wont listen to you bitch about everything you once werent.
the bands you didnt hear. or the glory you claim through your clothes.
you should think about it before you let another cigarrete touch your lips.
because the world is going farther than your pathetic life will every know.
and by knowing that. yea the seasons change.
yea we are all part of this neverending cycle. of drugs. trash talk.
and scrawny people with connections that will later on write down
what you can and cannot do. but to think someone as smart. beautiful. and brave as you
would drown at the sight of his hand holding another.
i guess this is what love does to people.
it grabs the person inside of you and teaches you more than any book in this world can teach.
and no i personally dont know the lesson.
for that youre going to have to find out on your own.

yesterday night i was driving my dad's expedition to the back of my house.
and as i was driving it felt like the car was like floating.
but it was floating on the mud that formed there.
therefore i got stuck in the mud.
THE END.

no its not the end.
i dont really remember what happened yesterday morning.
we were just wasting time playing games and stuff.
oh yea maybe we werent. we went to go see mark's group
 record their commercial for media tech. charmin cholo?
then we ditched them and went to mcdonald's.
then when i came back i called selina.
she could have gone out somewhere else and had a better time.
ugh.

im the remains of your ruined emotions.. the ones you carefully write
in your hand. with lines to cross them out. or stars for them to..
make me feel special.

when im giving you a headache.
but dont worry my fault is only temporary.

today we made thirty five dollars in hamster sales. :)
allan bought two and these random cholos bought some too.
he kept them in milk cartons. in hopes they survive.
and they did i think.
i'll probably spend the restof today playing diablo 2.
or counterstrike because i finally installed it again.
i want it to be the weekend already.
the taks test lands the same day as the fromfirsttolast concert.
but we are still going. fuck the test. weareleaving at two anyway.
even though the test seems kind of important. and it is.
cause without it we dont graduate. but we can make it up.
tomorrow i think i want to go to the gym. even though its
overrun by bandies and all that other good stuff.
..im a ban-dee too.
im hungry but i already ate. talk about being a fat kid.

im sorry i stepped on the letter.
but honestly. i was pleased when i hung up the phone today.

jeni.mandy.mark.mayra. and i spent the day at san antonio. and
the show we were supposed to go see got sold out. so that..sucked.
but we still had fun. i bought some cds and we had cool conversations.
plus the trip out of here really helped bring up the mood.
its weird and retarted how parks and other places other than
 eagle pass are very very clean. its the people. obviously.
i wanted to buy another hamster but i decided not to.
they are getting way beyond my reach.

im having fun listening to the new cds i bought.
        i bought this cd from this band i had never heard of before.
and they turned out to be pretty good. :)
...then come the curly fries.
              and all the kids at the show we wanted to go to. should die.

i want to get a guitar and make an honest song.  ive been listening
to bright eyes all day and i feel like thats one of the most honest
band ive heard in a long time. i really like this verse

i came upon a doctor who appeared in quite poor in health
i said there is nothing that i can do for you you cant do for yourself
he said "oh yes you can. just hold my hand. i think that would help."
so i sat with him a while and then i asked him how he felt.
he said, "i think im cured. no. in fact im sure."
thank you stranger. for your therapeutic smile.
so that is how i learned the lesson that everyone is alone.

today i walked home. i needed it. sometimes its good towalk and
 observe the city. but yea now im just reading lyrics.
and in a couple of minutes im going to get my acoustic guitar.
and try to make a song. another song.
i think im going to the hawthorne heights show saturday.
unless my parents dont let me go.
  but that hardly ever happens.

someone just messed up my mood.

i have things to talk about. but never anything with you.
grrr. im mad at myself. ahhhh. this stuffed turtle is staring at me.
and laughing at me because i cant keep myself together.
   or have a time when i really feel good about anything i do.
....i pretend nothing is wrong.
    and it goes wrong everytime i do. if that makes sense.
yesterday. selina and i went to that girls quincenera.
it was ok. *burns stuffed turtle*
          h
   heYo
  _ lle
         n            ...i tried to remake it the best i could.

i love this music. i really do.
...and im different im oh so different.
                   im so different im just the same.
i love  this music.
...and this pepsi bottle cap that spins in my hand.
be honest. i love you. be honest....please.
.......talking about nothing online...ahh.
confusing.
..well anyway. it was funny.
 selina thought shelost her cell phone last night.
     ....ummm. yea. leo is coming over right now?
i think. and my older brother is going to buy diablo 2
 ...the expansion i think. ours is having problems.
i want to play it now. fuck sometimes i hate sundays.
someone get me out of here.

even if my heart is criss/crossed with barbed wire. and my legs
   halfway into quicksand. i'll cut it up for tonight.
                 i'll use up every word you've said.
and try to make sense of them. or maybe turn them into rhymes
  to show the children... to make them happy. or maybe some sad.
but still theyre waiting for the end of us to pass..
youre the worstcaseofjealousy and its quickly flowinguptoyourknees.
             to show who you really are.
             or who you want to be.
  ..but in any case. youre the end of me.
(the end of me.) even though youre here and holding my hand.
imwaitingforthenight when youll say goodbye again.
...i used to think you were going to save me..
        from my thoughts its neverending.
its a moment in time waiting to happen. its what we wanted.
                                       ...but im not saving.
were my words neat enough for you.
  tocoverstars with your eyes to simply erase the moonlight..

...today was boring. and im going to bed. to pass time.
        maybe my back will feel better.
or maybe not.                         apples rot fast.
              im guessing.

im writing to complain again. but not about broken hearts
orfeelings being leftbehind. theres shades on our strides
as we pass by sidewalks embraced by theshining of car headlights 
             like a display of lovers under the pale white moonlight.
......and.....ive been sitting on this curb for more than an hour now.
and im not feeling any better than i did yesterday.
   or the day before that.
                           (or the day before that.)
five more minutes and ill be on my way.
 because its only getting colder. not warmer. as i would like.
shut up and keep me warm.

yesterday. i met selina's mom.
and today. i met myself. and the thoughts of what i want to do.
   you are killing my interest. so i decided to kill it first.
hey. i need to practice my music for band.
                           because tomorrow we have practice.
and im not really looking foward to it.
the high notes are crazy. more than i would like them to be.
...yup. ...yea...    i cant believe its this boring.
im just a boring person. and ill never change. because i cant.
  even if i could i wouldnt.     because then its not me.   :)

and they say this is medicine. and overdose of oxygen.
im breaking down.
               i cant believe i went through that yesterday.

fuck it. . in her words.

im sitting in my computer. chewing spearmint gum.
   ..thinking.      ...ten more days..
..and its zero to eight. i cant wait till its a year. so we can have
something to be happy about. even though we already have
                     ...something to be happy about.
-------------------------------------------------------------------dot.
we went to applebees right now.  never again.
  first time: i got people to roll their eyes at me.
  second time: slow service and sticky fingers.
it wasnt that bad. but it i prefer faster food thats easier to eat.
              ..and cheaper.                  gabe+nadya.tag team. ...cool.
thanks forthe food mayra. if you ever read this.
even though i already said thank you two times before.  
                  im sorry. i didnt want to be mean.
if you get what im trying to say.

i love you. and itll never go away. selina <3.